CHAPTER TWO
Bright eyes, burning like fire
Bright eyes, how can you close and fail?
How can the light that burned so brightly
Suddenly burn so pale?...
I tried to ignore the feeling over the next couple of months, tried to forget that anything could have possibly happened between myself and my younger cousin. But instead, the feeling inside just grew steadily, though slowly. I refused to even consider the fact that I might be falling in love again. It wasn't so much that I was afraid of love... I was just afraid of who I might be aiming it at.
It kind of came to a head one terrifying, mixed-up day, though, and that was when I discovered what was really most important to me. It had been a simple, normal morning fishing down at Crater Lake, and Bo and I were just packing up to head home, with a good catch in the cooler. We were joking around, laughing in easy companionship like we had for most of our lives, and I almost missed the sound of sirens.
I spun around, slamming the trunk lid down, and jumped for the passenger side window. "C'mon, Bo, let's go!" We weren't breaking any laws; we even had legal fishing licenses in our pockets. But the look on Rosco's face, and the speed at which he was traveling straight toward us, made it clear that now wasn't the time to have a nice little conversation about that with him. I wasn't sure what it was he was after us for... but he looked mighty grim. Not like his usual self. Something twisted in my gut, and I suddenly knew that this was something serious. We had to get out of here, and now!
Bo dived for his own window at high speed. I had already reached over and started the engine by the time he got his hands on the wheel, and without a single word, he floored the accelerator and spun us around. The General Lee's rear wheels spat dirt and rocks out behind as he took off into full flight from a standstill -- a stunt only an engine as powerful as his could even hope to achieve. If possible, the sirens grew louder and more insistent, shrilling their wordless order to stop and pull over. But if we were caught, we would likely end up blamed for something we didn't do again. We had to escape somehow. Bo and I looked at each other, and in unison said, "Wilson's Creek." The bridge over Wilson's Creek was out, making it a perfect route. For us, anyway. I'm not so sure Rosco would agree.
My eyes caught the brightness of water over the next hill, and I pointed. "There, Bo! Hit it!"
I think Bo loves this stuff. Actually, I know he does. That ain't changed one bit over the years, and I doubt it ever will. Laughing out loud, my blond cousin gave our orange racer even more gas, and we charged down the hill we were on and up the next. I couldn't see what was on the other side now, but I knew. I braced myself for takeoff.
Then, we were airborne, soaring over the creek. I glanced out the side window, unable to keep from grinning myself at the sheer feeling of freedom the flight inspired, seeing the creekbed pass by below. From all the way up here, you could see the stones on the bottom, I mused... Then the other shore was coming up at us as we descended with every bit as much speed as we had gone up with, and I clenched my jaw and braced hands and feet on the frame. This was old habit to me by now, how to enjoy a jump and survive landing without whiplash. We hit the dirt hard, but not hard enough to harm the General, and Bo squealed us to a halt. Chuckling, we both spun around to look over our shoulders as the police car came over the hill to try the same jump.
"Bye-bye, Rosco," Bo said softly, almost under his breath. "Have a nice swim!"
But the grin on his face abruptly disappeared as the white patrol cruiser suddenly, impossibly, picked up speed and took off.
"Holy smoke!" I breathed. I could see right now where he was going to land -- right on top of us if we didn't move! "He's got nitrous oxide in that car! Drive, Bo! Let's go unless you wanna end up an orange pancake!"
My cousin wasn't grinning anymore. He looked a bit scared, as a matter of fact. He gunned the General's engine and we shot away just before Rosco's landing. While Bo drove, I looked back to see the sheriff hesitate only a moment before taking off after us. He wasn't wasting much time thinking about it. He wasn't used to jumping, but with a car that could, he would learn quickly.
"Luke!"
I turned my head and my thoughts to my younger cousin, who was glancing rapidly back and forth between me, the road ahead, and Rosco behind. "What?"
"What're we gonna do? Where're we gonna run?"
I frowned. That was a problem. Well... "We may not be able to outrun or outjump him, but we still have our hiding spots. We're coming up on the entrance toward still site two, ain't we?"
"Uh... yeah." His spirits seemed to return as he flashed me a brief smile, then he stood on the accelerator. The General Lee gave this run his all, and we started to pull ahead. The sirens grew farther away as we skidded around a turn and shot off the road into a stand of brush, not losing one bit of speed. We crashed through probably fifty feet of bushes before jerking to an abrupt halt and cutting the engine. We sat in silence, almost afraid to breathe, as the sirens came closer. Bo reached out and slid his hand into mine, as if for reassurance. I squeezed it gently and waited.
The sirens came closer, closer... Would Rosco see the evidence of our flight into the woods? Did we leave bushes broken that he would notice? A hundred questions like that flashed through my head in only a second, and I tightened my grip on Bo's hand the same instant he did. But the sirens went right by, fading into the distance. We waited until they were completely gone, then I let out a held breath, closing my eyes and sliding down into my seat with relief.
"That was close," Bo panted like a fox that had finally made it to earth, letting go of my hand to rub his forehead.
But we hadn't made it to safety. We were still vulnerable. We'd only won ourselves a rest. "We have to get out of here, before he realizes what happened."
His midnight blue eyes met mine, filled with worry. "Where? We can't go home; that's the first place they'll look!"
I glanced around, sighing. "Well, I'd say just keep on up to site two, but we didn't exactly leave an invisible trail coming in. So we'd better get going somewhere else." I snapped my fingers as I got an idea, pushing myself back upright. "Let's go back to site four! Where we stayed that week! There's a CB in the cabin, and we can call Uncle Jesse on the emergency channel!"
"Yeah!" He grinned and started the engine again. "You know, that's why I like havin' you around, Luke," he half-teased. "You're so smart."
I quirked a half-amused, half-annoyed smile, since I knew he expected me to, and punched him lightly in the arm. "Let's go, before Rosco figures out that he lost us and comes back."
"Right." He pulled us out of there slowly, carefully, so as not to leave more evidence of our hiding spot. We flew down the road at the General's greatest speed, keeping eyes and ears peeled for patrol cars. But the only thing we met between there and our destination was a cow in the road. Bo slowed to carefully nudge the animal with the front bumper, and it finally moved. He would normally have hit the Dixie horn, but the distinctive melody would carry farther than a normal horn. Which carried to begin with. So we were on silent run mode; at least, as silent as the orange Charger's engine could ever be.
As we raced along, I decided to do something about this unreasoning fright, leaning back in my seat and starting to hum to make myself relax. My companion glanced over at me and grinned, then started to sing along with the music. I broke off my humming and joined him, and for about thirty seconds, it was as though it was a perfectly normal, cheerful day. But then... then it happened.
"Yow!" The sharp yelp of surprise made me spin around from where I'd been checking on our gear in the back seat. I hit my head on the rollbar in the move, and winced, but the sight in front of me was what really caught my attention.
"Cletus! Where'd he come from?!" I pointed back over my shoulder. "Let's git!"
"You got it!" Bo spun the wheel and stomped on the gas, sending us back the way we'd come at high speed, with the wailing police car right behind us. His voice had a strange tense quality to it. I glanced over at him briefly, to see his eyes wide, fixed, and wild in a certain way that only those who were closest to him would know meant he was nearing a breaking point in the amount of stress he could take. Being hunted so fiercely, not knowing why, and being scared were combining to create a mixture I knew could become deadly if he lost it in the driver's seat. I reached over and put my hand on his shoulder.
"Bo, let me drive."
He glanced at me, with understanding and thanks in his eyes. "I would if I could, Luke. If I slow down now, though, Cletus is gonna make sure we both spend the next couple days at least in a cell. And who knows how much more than that if Boss is behind this."
"Which he probably is," I grumbled. "You gonna be okay?"
He let out a slow breath, checking the rearview mirror, and nodded. "I can handle it. I think."
"You think?" Uh-uh. I wasn't letting him drive in that condition. "Bo, pull over. That's an order."
"But we'll get caught!"
"I'd rather us get caught than killed. Pull over!"
He shot me a brief, but not-too-hot glare before obeying, slowing and starting to pull to the side of the road. Cletus' patrol car started to pull up alongside us. But then Bo yelped and yanked the wheel back out into the road, as a wildly-swerving pickup truck charged around a bend directly toward us at high speed. I shouted a warning, even though I knew he'd already seen it, and he cried out in helpless desperation as one of our front tires blew out. He struggled to keep the General Lee on the road, but had little control. I looked up in panic, and saw the pickup, Cletus' car, and us all on a direct high-speed collision course. There wasn't anything left to do. I grabbed Bo and dragged him down with me as I dived under the dashboard.
He threw his arms around my neck, terrified, and ducked his head into my chest. I felt a strange, sickening lurch, then we were thrown apart as our car leaped into the air and proceeded to fall what seemed forever before it landed, rolling over and over before coming to a halt on its left side. I was tossed from my position under the passenger side of the dash to land on my back on the driver's side door. I coughed, and winced hard, feeling the sharp, shooting pain in my side that meant broken or at least cracked ribs.
But I was more scared about Bo. I called out to him, and receiving no answer, struggled until I could see into the back seat. What I saw made me forget all about my own problems -- my younger cousin was lying at a strange angle against the slight mound of dirt dug up through the open window, blood trickling down his face from somewhere in his hair. His eyes were shut and he wasn't moving. I yelled his name, and without a thought for my own pain scrambled back there next to him, lifting his head into my lap. I brushed blond bangs away from his forehead, tears in my eyes. There was no response. I put one hand against the side of his neck to feel his pulse, to make sure he was okay.
I had really expected to find it. Weak, strong, I had still expected it to at least be there. But it wasn't. Panicked, I tried again. Same result. I screamed his name again, and fought my way out of the car, dragging him with me. Disregarding the burning now in my ribs, almost beyond pain, I laid him flat on his back and pressed on his chest, hard. "Come on, you!" I ordered angrily. "Don't you dare die! I need you! Bo... I love you!! Come on!" I slammed into his chest again and dropped my head to his, using every technique I'd ever learned in the military or from Uncle Jesse to restart his heart. This time, I felt no qualms whatsoever about pressing my mouth to his, as I forced air into his lungs. Again and again I pounded on his heart and breathed for him, until finally, suddenly, he gasped in a sudden breath for himself, coughing even though he was still unconscious. I sat up, panting, to see Cletus, Enos, Rosco, and a medical team rushing down the hill. I drew a deep breath of my own, realizing that Cletus had been there earlier, trying to get my attention. I had refused to give it.
I looked back down at Bo, swallowing hard. I didn't care who saw me cry right now, just let the tears fall as I gathered my cousin into my arms and held him tight, offering a fervent prayer of thanks up to heaven. I refused to let him go while the meds checked pulse, breathing, and whatever else medics did, and I carried him myself up the embankment we'd fallen down. I realized now that the fall hadn't been as far as I'd thought. But it had been enough for Bo to be seriously hurt.
"Come on," one of the paramedics tried to soothe me as they took him from me and loaded him onto a stretcher in the ambulance. "He'll be all right, at least if we can get him to the hospital. You saved his life, son. Now, get out of the way so we can shut the door."
It took a moment for that to register in my fuzzy brain, but then it did, and I numbly took a step back. That step was all I took. Enos caught me just before I landed on the ground, my legs giving way. I shut my eyes and started to feel the world slipping away. I realized only now the extent of my own injuries, as I felt sharp stabbing from not only my ribcage but my head and shoulder as well. My hearing was dimming as I felt my body being lifted. The last thing I heard was Daisy's scared, high shout, quickly followed by Uncle Jesse's. Then everything went black. I floated for a moment in a weightless nothingness, wondering dimly what the next thing I would see would be, before losing even that.
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It was dark. I was cold. And it hurt, so much. Everything hurt. Everywhere. I tried to move, but my body wouldn't respond. I tried to speak, but my throat and tongue didn't even twitch. I was able to take a breath, barely; I felt like I was choking as I did. I fought, one sob finally coming sharply as hot tears trickled from the corners of my eyes, back into my hair. I couldn't wipe them away; I couldn't move, I couldn't even get my eyes open to see. I was able to hear voices, all around me, but they were distant, surreal. I could only lay there, crying softly, trying to figure out what went wrong, what had happened. My brain wasn't cooperating either. The faint picture of a police car, and that was all I could recall.
Luke. The thought hit me suddenly, somewhere in the increasingly thicker fog that was my brain -- Luke had been with me. Where was he now? I screamed out his name in my mind, ordering my body to move. I got maybe an inch off whatever I was laying on, then was shoved back down. I didn't argue; the sheer pain that had blossomed in my stomach, chest, shoulder, and head had me wanting to scream. All I managed was a low moan, a whimper more than anything. What had happened? Where was Luke? I needed him, here, now. I was so scared, so very scared. Was he even all right? He had to be... he had to be. I knew I would die if he wasn't.
If I ever lived through this pain. My chest spasmed again, and terror filled my being. What was wrong with me? Where was I?! Uncle Jesse, Luke!! Where are you, I need you here! Help!!!
Suddenly, I couldn't breathe. I gasped for air, terrified of this suffocating feeling, but it refused to come. I screamed for help in my head, but nobody heard me. Everything started to fade quickly, terrifyingly quickly, and the last thing I heard as nothingness took over was two words, surprisingly clear in the jumbled hum.
"Code Blue!"
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I woke with a rush of dizziness and pain. I gasped involuntarily, biting down a lost, little-boy cry for my uncle and guardian. I shuddered for a few seconds before the dizziness abated enough for me to open my eyes.
I did so very slowly. The light was bright, and hurt my eyes. I smelled antiseptic, and knew I was in a hospital. I drew a deep breath, then regretted it as my ribs screamed protest. I clenched my teeth to hold back a cry of pain, letting it only come out as a groan. When that slowly settled down too, I moved my head slowly, being careful not to do anything that might cause any more pain. I was alone in a small white room... no, not alone. I saw another, very familiar figure in the bed next to mine.
I tried to say something, but my tongue seemed glued to the roof of my mouth. I swallowed and worked my jaw, and finally managed to whisper, "Bo?" There was no answer. "Bo? C'mon, cousin, wake up."
I was feeling better every second, and gingerly, one muscle at a time, pushed myself to a sitting position. I had to shut my eyes against a wave of dizziness for a bit, but my head cleared quicker now that I was upright. I opened my eyes again and carefully moved until I was sitting on the edge of the bed, legs dangling. I noticed that I was hooked up to an IV, but the solution in the bag was clear. Standard hospital procedure then. I hadn't been hurt that badly, it seemed; only my head and ribs, the latter of which I could tell were wrapped up, and assorted bruises. I also, I discovered as I ran my hand over my forehead, had a small bandage taped over my right eye. My dizziness was likely the result of a concussion. I tried again to get my cousin's attention.
"Bo? Little cousin, I know you gotta be hearin' me. Don't you? Bo?" He didn't even twitch; he was so still I had to watch for several seconds to be sure he was even still breathing. I swallowed hard, fear intwining itself around my stomach despite myself. He looked so pale... so fragile. Not at all like the energetic, healthy young man I knew. He was lying so still, a bandage wrapped around his head. He also had an IV, but the fluid in his bag was cloudy, obviously mixed with some sort of medication. I now noticed that there were a pair of needles in his other arm that ran into a couple of strange humming machines. He was also hooked up to monitoring electrodes; I could hear his heartbeat as a slow, quiet beeping. A deep, sickening fear wormed its way into my stomach. I had a horrible feeling I was seeing my younger cousin on a form of life support. "Please, Bo!" I pleaded. "Please wake up for me!"
The door opened, and I turned to see who it was. A white-coated nurse stood there, looking startled at my being up. But then she hustled herself into the room. "What are you doing out of bed?" she scolded, reaching out to push me back onto the mattress. But I braced myself, summoning a strength I hadn't even known I had right now to stubbornly stay upright.
"I'm okay. How's Bo?"
She glanced over at him, brown eyes showing a hint of worry she tried quickly, but not quickly enough, to mask from me. "Your cousin will be fine."
I heard the uncertainty in her voice, and my jaw tightened involuntarily. "Don't lie to me," I demanded quietly. "I ain't blind, I can see what he's hooked up to. How is he? I have to know the truth."
The nurse didn't want to tell me. She busied herself studying the charts on her pad, refusing to meet my gaze. I knew that meant bad news, and that sinking feeling in my stomach only grew deeper. But finally she sighed and told me what I wanted to know, very quietly. "His condition is stable now, but it fluctuates. We lost him once in the ambulance, and again on the operating table."
"Wait a minute." My voice wasn't soft because of gentleness or anger -- I simply didn't have the breath to manage anything else. "What do you mean, operating table?"
"There were internal injuries and bleeding, mostly from broken ribs damaging other organs. It was necessary to save his life. He's missing his appendix now and a small piece of his liver, but he can survive without those. The rest is up to his own body to heal. He's young, fit, healthy; he'll be all right."
All right? That sounded bad to me... worse than bad. But she still wasn't telling the whole truth. Something was still wrong, or they wouldn't have hooked him up like they had. Those strange machines weren't common procedure even for someone just out of surgery, I knew that much. But the nurse wouldn't tell me; she thought I'd rest easier or something if I didn't know. Yeah, right. I shut my eyes in terror, fighting complete breakdown, imagining my younger cousin as he had been only a few days ago. Laughing, running through the field, falling on his back in the pile of hay we'd just raked together then grinning up at me and beckoning with a playfully naughty raised eyebrow. I had only stood with my hands on my hips and laughed, not accepting the blatant invitation. I hadn't been ready. I didn't really think I was now, either.
But I knew that, down deep, I loved him. I couldn't bear to lose him. And he was so still, so terribly torn apart inside... how could I ever live without him? I didn't even want to think about it, but something in me, some little dark voice, kept whispering that I just might walk out of this hospital without him by my side. No... no... I felt tears trace down my face, as I wished we'd never gone on that fishing trip.
Finally I took a deep breath, getting myself at least partially under control. The only way I could do that was to shut down my emotions... if they would cooperate. "If..." I choked, and had to swallow and start over. "If there's anything I can do to help, like giving blood or something... he and I have the same blood type..."
"Only if absolutely necessary," she told me with a slight frown. "He's doing fine right now, and we have enough. Besides, you are just recovering yourself; you need to be asleep!"
I waved her words off with one forceful hand. "Only ribs and a concussion. Please, just worry about him. He's... he's my cousin." I finally caught her eyes with my own, and strove to telegraph all the vehemence I felt through that contact, for once not trying to hide my feelings. I let the full power of my anguish out, begging her, anyone, to do something to change this situation. The nurse sighed and looked me up and down, then turned toward the door.
"I will tell the doctor you're awake. We should have the full results of your cousin's tests back shortly; I will inform you of them. You rest, that's an order." And with that, she was gone.
I looked back over at Bo, and fought more tears. They didn't obey. I just sat there for a few seconds, then set my jaw, glancing down at my arm as I carefully pulled the IV away, pressing on the hole it left to stop the bleeding. Shakily, carefully, I got to my feet and stumbled over to him, still a bit dizzy. Leaning one hand on the edge of his bed to hold myself up, I laid the other on his forehead, then brushed it almost hesitantly down his cheek, watching every shallow breath he took. Blinking hard to keep my tears from clouding my sight, I combed his hair away from his face with my fingers, then brought them down to gently trace his facial features and lips. Shivering with a feeling that this was wrong, yet so very right, I bent down, bracing myself on both hands now, and lightly brushed my lips against his. I straightened and took a deep breath, finding myself smiling slightly for some reason. "Beauregard Duke, I don't know what to do about these feelings," I confided to his unconscious form. "I love you... I know that much. I don't think I could stand losing you. Don't die. Please. Just don't die! I still have to tell you I love you!" I raised my eyes to the ceiling, praying earnestly for Bo's life, then let my head sag forward, chin against my chest, and let the tears just come.
I was startled when weak fingers brushed my wrist. I jumped, looking down, to see sapphire blue eyes, blurred by drugs but conscious, looking up at me. "I'll be okay, Luke," Bo whispered. "Shh. I love you. I won't leave you."
I took his hand into mine, and ran my other fingers gently through his hair again, marveling how soft it was, wondering why I'd never noticed that before. I sat down on the edge of his bed and wiped my eyes. "You'll be okay, little cousin," I repeated, half to convince myself.
"Yeah. I'm a Duke, ain't I?" He smiled, with a touch of laughter around the corners of his mouth, then his eyes slowly closed, as if it was too difficult to keep them open any longer.
I squeezed his hand, then carefully lay down on the narrow bed next to him and put a protective arm gently over his body, determined not to leave his side for one moment. I could tell by his breathing when he had slipped away again. Some time later, lost in my thoughts, I went to sleep as well.
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Luke was there. I couldn't think very well, everything was fuzzy; vision, brain, hearing, everything. But he was there, and he was crying. He told me he loved me. He kissed me, touched my face and hair. I couldn't move, but I heard and felt him there. When he broke down completely, I somehow summoned up the strength to speak to him, joke softly, try to reassure him... but I was so tired. So cold. I didn't hurt much; to be honest, I felt so out of it I figured I was probably doped to the gills. Figured.
I sighed to myself, though the sound never came out. I couldn't breathe deeply enough. It was like there was a weight on my chest, making it nearly impossible to talk. There was just enough air for me to breathe, if I did it slow and easy.
I felt my older cousin lay down beside me, carefully protecting me, and smiled to myself, in my head. If I'd had the energy, I would have rolled over and snuggled into his embrace. As it was, I just laid there and let my chilled body soak in his warmth. He was always warm, it seemed; I'd loved to curl up beside him ever since I was a little boy. He never minded, even when I ended up sharing his bed. Even way back then, he defended me, took care of me. And I learned even before I could walk that Luke was the one to run to, to trust blindly, without a second thought. I never had had a second thought, really. And he'd never let me down. We'd had our scuffles, now and again... but he'd never really ever let me down.
My mind was starting to fade again. But this time, I didn't fight it. I didn't feel too good, but I wasn't afraid. Not now. He was here. It was a thought, a trust as unchanging and elemental as the sun. Luke was here. He loved me. I was safe.
So I smiled inside. And let myself drift into darkness.
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Daisy and Uncle Jesse were there the next time I awoke. I blinked sleepily for a moment, then carefully disentangled myself from Bo and slid off the bed to greet my family. I winced at the shafts of pain that sitting up and standing sent through me, but it wasn't so bad that I couldn't put up with it. "Morning," I greeted, trying to seem cheerful. I held my arms out just in time to receive Daisy's fervent but careful hug. Her eyes were watering, and my heart softened. I rubbed her back gently. "Hey. It'll be okay."
Uncle Jesse came up, and I hugged him too, then sat down again on the edge of Bo's bed, still a bit unsteady on my feet. "You okay, Luke?" he asked worriedly. "What happened?"
I waved at air, grimacing. "Oh, a bunch of stuff. It weren't really nobody's fault, I guess. A drunk driver came the wrong way, Cletus was tryin' to catch us, and the General blew a tire. All at once. And…" I shrugged, helplessly.
Daisy frowned, taking my hand in hers and sitting down next to me. "Cletus was barely scratched, though his car's headed for the junkyard. The other driver... well, we ain't heard nothing about him, so I guess he's okay. You boys got the worst of it."
I swallowed hard, my casual facade suddenly slipping badly. "The tire just blew. Bo was trying to control the car, but he just couldn't... And now he's..." Taking a deep breath, I buried my face in my hands for a minute. My family understood. They were quiet while I struggled to get my emotions back under control. Finally I did, and looked back up at them. I saw gentle compassion in Uncle Jesse's smile, and felt like crawling into his lap. But I couldn't. Not in front of Daisy and whoever else might come in. I was the strong one of the cousins; had to be. Daisy and Bo both had all their emotions out on their sleeves, therefore I had always been the steadying force in our team. It wasn't a habit I felt easy breaking.
"Bo will be all right," Uncle Jesse finally said softly. "He'll be all right."
"I finally pried it out of a nurse that they had to operate on him last night. And that they lost him. Twice. And there's still something wrong, only they won't tell me what it is! You call that all right?"
"I know..." Daisy mumbled, "they told us while you were asleep. Bo is... Oh, I'm just so scared for him..."
Was it that bad? I felt myself pale as I looked to my uncle for explanations. He nodded, slowly. "You have a right to know, if anyone does." Jesse took a deep breath, pulling up a chair and sitting slowly. I held my breath, afraid to hear this. Finally he looked back up at me. "Bo has some broken ribs, two of which did damage to his appendix and a corner of his liver. One more, higher, hasn't been messed with yet, but it will be. It's very near his lung. It will puncture if not set right. His spine is unharmed, thank the Lord, but his right shoulder was dislocated. And... according to the tests, his left kidney ain't operational."
I know I paled then. I clenched both fists, trying to keep from shaking. "But Bo only has the left one." The other had simply quit working when he was a child, for no good reason. It had never given him any trouble, and everyone kind of forgot about it most of the time. So that was why he was hooked up to at least one of those machines. He couldn't live without it; the poisons in his blood would kill him.
"That... that's the problem." Uncle Jesse faltered, his eyes unfocusing in deep emotional pain. Daisy put her arms around him and buried her face in his shoulder, and I felt a pang of sympathy pierce through my own shock. He loved us all, but I had always thought he took a special liking to Bo. He was the bright one, the light in all of our lives. Now that light was dimming. Bo would be somewhat of an invalid the rest of his life, always dependent upon hospitals and blood treaments. If he survived for the rest of his natural life.
My face carefully set in stone to hide all my uncertainty and fear, I stood and paced away from them. Facing the wall, I closed my eyes and tried to fight through the layers of horror and pain to logic. My younger cousin, so happy and alive and energetic, was literally dying. In my mind's eye, I saw again that night when he had admitted his feelings, saw the soft light in his eyes that was all for me. I was reminded of the story he'd told me about what had happened when I had been temporarily declared MIA, and I suddenly knew that if I lost him, the same would happen to me. I couldn't live without him any more than he could live without me.
And now his healthy self-assuredness was gone forever. He would never be able to run wild for a whole week on an expedition into the mountains. He wouldn't have the energy to roughhouse too much with me. And forget chasing crooks; his body couldn't handle the stress. I knew how it would be. A friend of mine in the Marines had had to be discharged because he had lost his kidneys and been placed on dialysis. He'd been forced to take it easy... so easy that he had to go home. Now it would be that way with Bo. Energy to burn would become a frail quietness. Unless...
A sudden shock of adrenaline raced through me as a thought came, and I couldn't keep hope from charging every fiber of my being. There was a chance... a dangerous one, yes, but one I was willing to take to have my cousin back. Without turning around, I said into the silence, "I have the same blood type as Bo. Exactly, down to the minute detail. Remember when we had to have tests done as kids, and found that out?"
Jesse frowned. I couldn't see it, yet I knew he did. "And just what does that have to do with anything, young man?"
My heart caught in my throat for a moment with nervousness, but I swallowed it down and somehow kept my voice calm and controlled. "If somebody donated a kidney... they could transplant."
There was no response for a moment, then Uncle Jesse and Daisy both exploded at once as the full meaning of what I was suggesting struck home. Jesse's outburst far exceeded my cousin's simple protest of "No!", however.
"Are you out of your ever-lovin' mind?!" he hollered, springing to his feet as I finally turned to face him. "That is a very dangerous operation, Lukas Keith Duke! Do you think I'm gonna let you risk your life?!"
"But what about Bo's?" I was amazed at how calmly I was responding. I didn't feel all that calm inside. "Uncle Jesse, he may not die right now, but he'll be miserable for the rest of his life, and who knows how short that will be? He'll be depending on machines to live. He'll lose all his spirit, Uncle Jesse, all his will to live. I couldn't bear to see him like that."
"But why you?! Surely they could find someone else! Or what about banks or somethin', like for blood..."
I shook my head. I knew a little bit about medwork. "No. This ain't like a simple transfusion, Uncle Jesse. The transplant has to be living tissue, from someone with a perfectly matching blood type. Which I have."
"I'm already in danger of losin' one of my boys! I ain't gonna take that chance with both!" Jesse was now starting to look dangerously determined.
I set my jaw. I could be just as determined; I was a Duke, after all. And I wasn't gonna let Bo live half-dead. "Uncle Jesse," I cut off his tirade with an edge of steel in my voice that I hadn't used since I'd come out of the military. He shut up in sheer astonishment. "Uncle Jesse, I ain't a child. I'm thirty years old, and I believe I have the right to make some of my own decisions. Even... dangerous ones," my voice softened. I paused. "Bo has no functional kidneys. I have two very healthy ones. I can survive without one. He can't, not really." I went up to my uncle and put my hands on his shoulders, begging him to understand. "He'd rather die than live that way. I ain't gonna let him do either. Please understand."
Uncle Jesse blinked, then I saw an amazing sight -- he wiped tears away from his eyes, and off his cheeks. I had never, in all my years, seen him cry. He reached out and put his arms around me, pulling me close into a careful hug. "Oh, Luke," he said roughly, but gently. "I taught you kids to do anything for each other. I guess you learned that lesson pretty well, huh?" He released me and stepped back, gesturing toward my bed. "You get some rest. You'll need it. I'll tell the doc we've got a willing and able donor for a transplant."
He was smiling as he went out the door, a worried Daisy right behind him, demanding to know why he had given in to me and how we were going to pay for it. I lay down gingerly on my own bed after checking on Bo one more time, and sighed, looking at the ceiling thoughtfully. Despite all his complaining and worrying, I had a feeling Uncle Jesse was kinda proud of me. But I knew that even if he wasn't, I would still be doing this. Bo was my little brother, my best friend, and now someone I was having very strange yet familiar feelings for as well. This was just something I had to do.
Because I loved him.
I lay there, staring at the ceiling, for what was probably twenty minutes, unable to go to sleep. I thought about that accident, and what might have prevented it. I thought about Bo, and how I couldn't bear to lose him. And I thought about what Daisy had said. I would pay any price to keep Bo safe, to keep him with me. But I would have to get a job for a while to do it. Finally a doctor in a white coat came into the room. Seeing I was awake and looking at him, he smiled and came over.
"Hello, Luke," he said quietly, after consulting the paper in his hand for my name. "My name is Dr. Davies. Hmm... I see here that you boys are related. Cousins. You have the same blood type, right..?" He scanned the paper again and raised his eyebrows. "O-negative. Kind of rare. Hmm. I'm glad you're here, that kind of donor would be hard to find. Now, do you understand what you're doing?"
I pushed myself up to sit on the edge of the bed, grimacing as my ribs protested, and looked him right in the eye. "Doc, I know exactly what I'm doing. I'm saving the life of someone I care about more than anyone else in the world, almost. Someone I love. Now can we just get on with it?"
"There could be complications, of course... It's a very delicate operation..." He shut up and handed the paper in his hand to me when I shot him an ice-cold glare. "You have to give your written consent," he pointed to a dotted line at the bottom of the sheet, sounding a little helpless, yet relieved at the same time.
I glanced over the paper, reading every line out of habit. In my experience, signing things without hunting for the small print (sometimes with a magnifying glass on a contract of Boss Hogg's!), was dangerous. But it appeared to be a simple, normal form stating that I had given my consent to this operation, and that if anything happened to either myself or the patient as a result, the hospital could not be sued. I signed readily. If anything happened to me, it was my own fault, after all. I had insisted upon this, despite everyone else's arguments against it.
The doctor took the paper back and glanced over my signature, then nodded and sighed. "All seems to be in order here. Your cousin isn't doing well. We have to operate as soon as possible to move that broken rib. We'll do the two operations at once. A nurse will be in to give you some medication." He hurried out the door without further words.
I sighed and lay back down, glancing automatically over at Bo. "Just hold on, little cousin," I whispered. "You'll be all right. We both will. I swear it."
After a couple of minutes, the nurse of before came back with two small pills and a paper cup of water. I sat up long enough to take the pills, and didn't even flinch when I was given an antibiotic shot as well. When she left, I lay back on my bed again and closed my eyes. After a bit, the world started slipping away, and I willingly fell into the embrace of unconsciousness.
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I woke up groggily, with that cotton-in-the-mouth feeling that I knew meant I'd been heavily sedated. It hurt! Down low over my hip, in my side, almost in my back. Not a nice place to hurt. But I managed to bite back a groan of complaint. That aching pain meant life to another.
Keeping my breathing nice and slow and shallow, I ordered my eyes to open. When they didn't obey, I threw all my force of willpower at them. Finally my lids cracked open and I looked around. I was in the same room I had been in earlier. I glanced over to my right, to see Bo there too. He was still unconscious and monitored, but no longer hooked up to all the machines he had been before. Apparently the operation had been a success. I felt the urge to cough, and stomped it down fiercely. I knew that if I did, it would hurt worse than anything, and might even split the stitches. They weren't set; I hadn't really started healing yet. I knew about stitches. I had been shot a couple of times in 'Nam.
I just wanted to see Bo wake up. I wanted to see his eyes open and looking at me, even dazedly. I didn't feel like sitting up, but I wished he was awake so that I could talk to him. I was still worried about him. But the fact that he was here, mostly unwired, meant something good at least. I swallowed dryly and wished I had some water to drink. But no one was in sight, and I sure didn't feel like heading off to get some. I sighed and simply closed my eyes again, drifting back toward sleep.
"Luke?"
I smiled slightly to myself, wistfully. I wished to hear that voice so much that I was, in my head anyway.
"Luke?"
I sighed again, wishing my imagination would just leave me alone.
"Luke?"
I snapped out of sleep, my eyes flying open as the thought finally made its way to my drugged brain that I was hearing it, with my actual ears! Carefully, so as to not give myself more of a headache than I already had, I turned my head to see a sight I had longed to see -- dark blue eyes, though foggy, open and looking directly at me. Bo smiled, faintly, when he saw my response.
"Hi, Luke. Guess I made it, huh?" he whispered, as though not having the strength to manage a full voice.
"We made it," I replied softly, reaching out one hand. He reached out one of his too, and our fingers barely brushed. It was somehow enough. "We made it, cuz."
He blinked, a little surprised. "I thought you'd be out of here by now." His voice was growing stronger. Then he tried to sit up, and cried out softly in sudden sharp pain. I held up my hand sharply.
"Don't move. You still need to do a lot of mending, don't mess it up now."
"What happened?" he half-groaned, half-whimpered, very carefully letting himself back down. "It hurts..."
I swallowed. "Yeah. Me, too."
His eyes tracked blurrily over to look at me, confusion showing through the daze. "You?"
"Yeah." I winced. "We both went through an operation, Bo."
"You? What... what happened?" He blinked hard and yawned, still under the influence of the sedative. He never had thrown off any kind of medication very quickly. Which was just as well; he needed the rest for his body to heal.
I smiled, slightly, and met his eyes gently, candidly. "I had to, Bo. You'd have died if I didn't."
His eyes widened. He was now looking a little scared. "Died? What happened?!"
I reached out my hand again, curling the tips of my fingers around his almost protectively. "You had internal injuries. Badly broken ribs, and bleeding inside. Apparently somehow your kidney was damaged." I drew a deep, shuddering breath, remembering my fearful reaction at hearing the news. "If you didn't die, you'd be sick for the rest of your life. I couldn't let that happen. Your only hope was a transplant, so..."
Bo's eyes widened farther, then shut. His voice, when he spoke, was almost a whisper again. "So you were a donor? You could have died too."
"I'd rather take that chance than watch you, knowing I could have done something." I quirked a tiny smile. "You've really got some of me in you now. Does that make us stronger than blood brothers?"
The little bit of humor made him return the half-smile, something I was grateful for. "I dunno. Did the operation work?"
"I guess. You're not near as wired as you were."
The door flew open at that moment, and we let go of each other, sharing a grimace as a nurse came in, bustling around, taking readings from both of us, as well as drawing blood. When she was done, she smiled, all too cheerily, and was gone again, without a word.
Bo made a face at the retreating human whirlwind and glanced down at his right arm, the one the nurse had stuck, wincing visibly. Then he looked at the IV in his other elbow, and groaned, dropping his head back down on the pillow. "I hate needles!"
I chuckled carefully. He always had. At least he was okay enough to complain about it; that was improvement. I'd gladly listen to him gripe, just as long as it meant he was still alive, and getting well. "That'll come out when they're sure of you." I smiled at him. "We'll go home and get better together. Cause I know now we're both going to get better."
He smiled back, slowly. "Yeah. We ain't gonna be doin' much chores for a while, though." He winced as he tried to move again. "My chest hurts too."
"That's cause of the ribs, remember?"
He winced again, this time because of my words. "Ow. How did I ever get hurt so bad in a simple rollover?"
"I don't have a clue," I honestly replied.
"What about the General?"
I shook my head. "I don't know. Cooter probably has him. I bet by the time we get well enough to drive, he'll be lookin' good as new." Bo returned my half-grin, but then I sobered. "Bo, when we get a chance, there's somethin' I want to talk to you about."
"My driving?" he playfully wrinkled up his nose.
"Naw. You did good under the circumstances. Besides, I ain't teaching you to drive any more. You're almost teaching me!"
We both chuckled at that, then he frowned slightly. "What do you want to talk to me about? Why not now?"
I sighed. "Cause I don't really wanna share with the world."
"Just shut up if that nurse comes back," he suggested reasonably. "C'mon, Luke, what is it? You look awful serious about something."
I swallowed back a brief spurt of would-be tears, and took a deep breath. "I guess there really ain't no better time... I just wanna tell you that..."
"What?" he pressed after a moment's silence.
I took as deep a breath as I dared with my aching midsection. I really did have to get this out. He would want to hear it. And it was true. Somehow, I finally managed the words. "Just that... that I love you, Bo."
He blinked, a funny look on his face, then smiled. "I know that."
Now I was the one giving a funny look. "Huh?"
He grinned and rescued me from confusion. "I heard you before, remember? But you didn't have to say it. I knew. I have known. We've always loved each other, since we was little. Why else would we have become blood brothers? It's just getting stronger, that's all." His eyes looked into mine with shining adoration and trust. "That's all."
Something tight in my chest broke then, and tears finally spilled out of my eyes down my cheeks. Driven by a surge of emotion I didn't quite understand, I touched my fingers to my lips, then reached out to touch them to his fingers in a form of kiss, the best I could do right now. I resolved to remedy that as soon as possible. I had years to show him how very much I cared... yet it didn't feel like long enough. "I love you, Bo," I repeated softly.
He smiled and touched his fingers to his own lips, completing the imaginary touch. "And I love you, Lukas." Then he yawned and pulled his arms under his blanket. "I'm gonna go back to sleep. I'm tired."
I wiped my eyes, smiling. "Okay. I'll keep watch." Just like when we were in the woods, hiding from Rosco.
He smiled back, his eyes sliding shut, and sighed lightly. I could literally see when he dropped off again. His breathing slowed, deepening slightly.
But, true to my word, I lay awake, just watching him sleep, so glad that everything was gonna be all right after all.
Chapter Three